


A choice with Regrets

by I_am_too_trash



Category: Shingeki, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Almost everyone is dead, Angst, I did this instead of studying, I know they are cremated, I made up last names for some people, I'm crying, I'm going to try and add a Levi chapter so the title makes sense, Jean Kirstein Has Issues, Jean is the only alive character, M/M, Sad, Why do I do this to myself, because they have none, but i wanted to do this, i'M SAD, idk - Freeform, jean is crying, like really sad, pure angst, why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 15:46:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8923057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_too_trash/pseuds/I_am_too_trash
Summary: Jean Kirstein walks through the graves of the fallen and remembers them all





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not crying I'm so sorry. Ignore my shitty writing.

I didn’t know what to do; I just knew it needed to stop. Grave after grave after grave. I was tired of burying my friends.

“I killed you, and you, and you,” I thought as a trudged past headstones, “and you, and you.” I finally got to a smaller group of headstones surrounded by a small ring of flowers. A sign read “Fallen heroes from the 104th cadet core.” I felt a weight on my shoulders increase with each passing step. I read each name as I passed. 

 

“Gordon Anderson, A beloved son and friend.” He was too in love with himself to see the dangers in front of him.

 

“Sandra Cambell, A loving daughter and friend.” She followed wherever her friends did.

 

“Floch Jennings, A beloved son and friend.” He was sheep; the closest thing to a decision he made was joining the garrison.

 

“Tom Jackson, A beloved son and friend,” He was just bait. Nothing more. His life used so others could have a few more breathes. I killed you.

 

“Daz Beckett, A beloved son and friend,” He was constantly afraid of everything. He suffered so much trauma. I killed you too.

 

“Nac Tias, beloved son and friend,” he was always looking to help, never in trouble. I killed you.

 

“Samuel Linke-Jackson, beloved son and friend;” always ready to join in a celebration. I killed you.

 

“Thomas Wagner, beloved son and friend;” He was a coward, but who can blame him? He rallied his squad and helped us achieve our first victory against the titans. I killed you.

 

“Mylius Zeramuski, a beloved son and friend,” He was so shy, and kind. Loyal too,

Thomas Wagner was killed and Mylius ran after the titan that did it. Stupid move. I killed you.

 

“Mina Carolina, A loving daughter and friend,” She was so kind, loved by all. She was truly Annie’s friend when the rest of us just tolerated her. She was so hopeful. I killed you.

 

“Hannah Daimant/Kefka, loving daughter and wife; Franz Kefka, loving son and husband.” Hannah and Franz share a grave. Before they died, they exchanged vows, and were married before being devoured by a titan. I killed both of you. I killed you because I wasn’t able save you. I wasn’t strong enough of a leader to help. I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t. 

 

“Marco Boldt, beloved son and friend,” He was the sunshine of my life. He’d light up my days when they were dark. He was the one who reminded me that I didn’t need to be strong. I fall to my knees, head dropping in a silent scream. My world so distorted with tears I can’t even see what the gravestone next to his said. But I knew. I knew it was the monster that watched him die. Bertolt Hoover. He had nothing on his gravestone other than his name. I knew what he was. He was a monster. Him and Annie and Reiner. They watched Marco die. They watched as a titan bit him in half. They watched as the light of my life died screaming for help and did nothing. Those monsters watched as he was ripped from my life. Watched, while I was unable to save him. I should’ve let Annie kill me. But I knew I had to kill them all. I understood Eren then. I understood how he needed to kill them all. A choked sob escaped me as tears streamed down my face.

“Its all my fault. It’s all my fault. I couldn’t do anything and now they are all dead. I wasn’t strong enough.” A sob escapes me, my mind full of Marco. 

“Marco I couldn’t save you oh my- I’m so sorry, fuck I’m sorry, I wanted to save you but I couldn’t oh god I’m so sorry.” The last words he said to me still run through my head,

“It’s ok, you don’t have to love me back.” He chirped as if he were saying it’s okay that I was going to dinner early, I almost believed him. Almost. His voice broke before the end. He saved me. Even though I broke his heart. I was too young and dumb to realize I was in love with my best friend. I screamed for him to come back, because he always had, he was always there for me.

“Marco I love you! I’m sorry I didn’t know! I love you, I love you, I love you, and god I’m so sorry, I love you.” I’m weeping as my vision starts to go black. I welcome the darkness. God knows the last time I got sleep.

When I wake, I realize I’m still by his grave. Cold and stiff. Just like he was when I found him. Too late. Nothing matters to me in this world but destroying every last one. No matter the cost. Every last one. For him.


End file.
